Lee and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day
by scarlett-sorrows
Summary: Modeled after Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Set during the missing year in 2.20. Technically AU because I wrote it before season 3. Complete one shot.


**Note on Continuity: **I wrote this over the break between seasons 2 and 3, so in the wake of season 3 much of this is now AU. I didn't have the heart to change it. The **setting** is during the missing year in episode 2.20.

**Note:** This is pure fluff and humor - melding of BSG and Judith Viorst's brilliant _Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day_ . I attempted to model the style/plot/etc of Viorst's story - the run-on sentences, simple language, and 'childish' behavior and plots is intentional.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own BSG or Alexander.

**Lee and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day**

Last night I fell asleep eating noodles on the sofa and now there's noodles in my hair. And when I went to take a shower Dee had used all the hot water and the towels so I had to drip water everywhere to find a dry one and I cut myself shaving.

I knew it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

That's what it was, because my only clean suit was wrinkled and I didn't have time to iron it and after I was dressed one of the buttons popped off and fell down the sink for the second time that week.

I was looking for a pin to hold my suit together when Dee came in and scolded me about the wet bathroom floor. I tried to tell her that she had used all the towels and that I was going to clean it up, however I'd lost my button and my face was bleeding, but she said she didn't have time for it and stormed off.

I think I'll move to Earth.

So I had to eat breakfast by myself, and realized that the last box of my favorite breakfast cereal was gone. I called in to the stores on _Pegasus_ and the stockroom manager said we were out of Atomic Pops, and so was _Galactica_. I'd eaten the last box of Atomic Pops in the galaxy yesterday and hadn't even realized it.

It was starting out to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I knew it was because on the way to the CIC I got lost. And when I got there Dee was in a huffy mood, my pin holding part of my suit together was falling out and DRADIS reception was on the fritz.

I wish I could move to Earth.

Then Kara called.

Kara said she wanted to know why I didn't answer the invitation and I said 'what invitation' and she said 'The invitation to my wedding to Anders.' I told her she never sent me an invitation and I couldn't go because I was moving to Earth and I didn't see why she wanted me there anyway.

Then Kara said I wasn't her best friend anymore. She said Helo was her best friend and that after Helo her next best friend was Crashdown even though Crashdown was dead.

'I hope you slip in the mud on the way home,' I told Kara. 'I hope all you get for wedding presents are toasters that burn the toast.' And I hung up the phone.

But I didn't mean it.

It had been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I was sure it was because at dinner Dee said 'We have to talk.'

Dee said I had to lose weight. She said I had to eat salads at dinner. I hate salads. 'They don't eat salads on Earth' I told her, but she didn't even listen.

That night Dee wanted to have sex. I said I'd had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and that I didn't want to have sex, that I just wanted to go to bed. Dee said I was distant. She said I was a bad boyfriend. She said I should sleep on the sofa. I told her _she_ was the one who wanted to have sex and that it would be impossible if I was sleeping on the sofa. She said 'fine' and refused to give me my favorite pillow because she said it was now _her_ favorite pillow.

On the way to the sofa I stubbed my big toe. The sofa had a busted spring that dug into my spine, creaked when I breathed, and I found a noodle in cushions. I thought 'sofas don't creak on Earth.'

I called my father and told him I'd had a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day. He said he'd had a bad day too: Mrs. Tigh kept filching liquor from the stores, a rat (or possum – he wasn't sure) had crawled above his lip and died, and Colonel Tigh and Lieutenant Gaeta had gotten into a fight and Gaeta was moving to the surface.

He said some days are like that.

Even on Earth.


End file.
